Answer These Texts From Your Dog and We'll Guess How Old You Are

By: Emily Maggrett

6 Min Quiz

Image: AleksandarGeorgiev/E+/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Are you obsessed with your dog? Or at least obsessed with other people's dogs? Sorry not sorry, but if you don't love dogs, are you even alive in 2019? The fact is, people worship their puppers now more than ever, so much so that you probably would text them day and night if you could. The good news is that, unlike that one dude from Tinder, your loyal dogs would DEFINITELY text you back. But what would they say? That's what this quiz is all about!

After doing extensive scientific research with REAL DOGS, including an adorbs Pomeranian, a very good pit bull and a pure-AF golden retriever, we've come up with some genuine dog texts for you to react to. You're gonna have to tell us what you'd do if your dog texted you "Be honest: Am I more Scooby-Doo or Odie?" and "Excuse me, but are u trying to be ALONE in the BATHROOM? Who do u think you are, the Queen of England?"

Look, none of your friends are around to judge you. So why not take an insane quiz about what would happen if your dog had the ability to blow up your phone? You know you want to. So let's play! 🐕🐩🐶

Kevin Kozicki/Image Source/Getty Images

Good morning. I made up a song for u. It goes like this: Bork, bork, bork bork BORK bork bork! Do u like it or do u love it? 🌟

That's a bop. 🎶

I like it. Unfortunately, I bet the neighbors do not.
OMG, I need ear plugs.

(Tears in eyes) This is so pure.

Andersen Ross/Stockbyte/Getty Images

Hey there, gorgeous. 😏 Wanna grab some toilet water together later?

Not my jam, but you do you.

That's an offer I CAN refuse.
Sorry, puppy, but I don't like you more than a friend. And I HATE toilet water!

You drink toilet water, I'll drink a grapefruit La Croix and we'll have a dope time.

MonikaBatich/E+/Getty Images

Why did u change our morning routine? 😭😭😭😭

We ... have a morning routine?

Uh, cuz my boss made me go in an hour early? Not my fault, bro.
Change is a constant, bb. Learn to adapt!

I'm sorry. It was selfish of me to change jobs and thus my work hours.

Pekic/E+/Getty Images

Walkies? Walk? Walkies? How bout a walk, bb? 🐕😃

Oof. Maybe later?

Yeah, sure. It'll give me a chance to show off my new kicks.
OMG, again?

HECK YES WALKIES!

vgajic/E+/Getty Images

Class is cancelled and will now take place on ur couch at ur house. Please report to ur adorable dog at ur earliest convenience. Is this understood?

Lol, okay.

Oh man, I wish this were real.
OMFG, HOW ARE YOU TEXTING ME FROM MY PROFESSOR'S PHONE?

Of course, Professor Pupperson!

Sloane Griffin/Moment Open/Getty Images

So, random question ... Did u actually like those Jimmy Choo boots?

I can tell there's an "oof" coming ...

Please don't let this mean what I think it means. 🙏
WHAT DID YOU DO?

You know what, IDGAF about those boots. They were kind of uncomfortable, so whatever.

drbimages/E+/Getty Images

I have some important borks for u! Can we FaceTime?

Bet!

Is that really an appropriate use of this visionary technology?
I refuse to be in a long-distance relationship with a dog that I live with!

Ya. Dialing you now.

Janie Airey/Digital Vision/Getty Images

Sorry not sorry but the mailman is kinda maybe bleeding? What should I do?

Haha, what did you dooo?

Run away from the crime scene ASAP!
Argh, you savage. Please call 911.

No worries. He probably deserved it!

Sally Anscombe/Moment/Getty Images

I know ur SO BUSY but u haven't petted me in a WHILE. So ... what are u doing tonight? I'm free Saturday. And Sunday. Also willing to take pets before and after work on Monday? What works for u???

Aaaie, we need to cuddle fr. What are you doing rn?

These guilt trips are a big extra, friend.
I'll pet you for five seconds before I fall asleep. Deal?

Oh crap, let's block out the entire day on Sunday for this!

Anchiy/E+/Getty Images

Have u ever tried to answer important emails and pet ur dog at the same time? Wanna try it? 😜

I'll try anything once.

Honey, no.
Bruh. I think we know how this will turn out.

It's never worked before, but maybe this time, we'll get it right!

jessekarjalainen/E+/Getty Images

We should go here someday! [Inserts photo of butcher.] What do you u think?

Bruh! I'm vegan.

Ew, no.
Well, I mean, cute guys do tend to hang around meat shops ...

Bet!

Barbara Peacock/Photographer's Choice RF/Getty Images

Whoa, where are u going with those dirty clothes, sir?

Sorry, but I can't be on point if I don't get these washed.

You can sleep on my old sweatshirt. But I draw the line at sacrificing any more of my socks!
You are not making a nest out of my gym clothes, AGAIN.

Why? Did you need them for something?

Catherine Falls Commercial/Moment/Getty Images

I'm soooo wasted ... on belly rubs! Can we keep this party going all night? 🎉

I see this as more of a chill hang ...

If by "all night," you mean, "for another ten minutes," then sure!
This is not my idea of a "party."

Ain't no party like a belly-rub party because a belly-rub party don't stop. 🎶

sturti/E+/Getty Images

OMG! I'm so sorry, I thought I remembered not to chew up the couch again but I forgot. Can u forgive me?

Welp, to be honest, it's a DOPE excuse to go couch-shopping. 💓

That was my roommate's couch. I guess we have to look for a new place to live, AGAIN.
No way, buddy. That was West Elm.

I'm already over it.

Paul Noseworthy/Moment/Getty Images

Be honest: Am I more Scooby-Doo or Odie?

You're Scooby AF and I love it.

I wish you were an Odie, but that's not happening.
You're more Beethoven, TBH.

You've got the charisma of Scooby-Doo with Odie's looks, i.e. #goals.

Klaus Vedfelt/Digital Vision/Getty Images

WHY WON'T U SNAPCHAT ME BACK? 😡💔

Because they got lost in the mix. Sorry, fam!

Uh, because I am adulting too hard to respond to EVERY single snap my dog sends me?
Because all your snaps are the same. Change it up!

Because I am quite literally bad at Snapchat.

ChristopherBernard/E+/Getty Images

Heyyyyy. How've u been, gurl? Wanna dig up the garden together? 🌻

Nah. I like you, but my mom worked hard on that biz!

I don't have a garden yet, so ... sure.
Did. You. Dig. Up. My. Roses? 🌹

Bet!

Carol Yepes/Moment/Getty Images

Excuse me, but are u trying to be ALONE in the BATHROOM? Who do u think you are, the Queen of England? 👑

Oh, come on in. Maybe you can help me understand this make-up tutorial.

Yuh. Deal with it.
No, but I'm never gonna attain even a Meghan Markle level if you don't give me my privacy!

Oof, you're right. Give me a sec and I'll let you in.

CatLane/E+/Getting Images

Remember that time u gave me an entire can of Alpo by accident? Hope you're well!

Those were the days! 🎉

Yeah, that was cool. Anyways, what are you doing rn?
(Sighs) Lemme guess. You're thirsty for more Alpo and you want my help with that?

How could I forget your love of Alpo? Cancel everything: we're reenacting this.

Klaus Vedfelt/Digital Vision/Getty Images

U. Me. Nappin' in a pile. U in? 😘

Okay, but just for a few minutes ...

Sounds cute, but no.
And get dog hair on this fresh-to-death ensemble? No thank you.

YESSSS

Back in the Pack dog portraits/Moment/Getty Images

WHY DID U LEAVE MY LAST FIVE TEXTS ON READ? 😱 WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY!

You're right, that was bad. Sorry I dipped.

Sorry, my phone ran out of juice.
Because I don't count strings of bone emojis as actual texts? Please just say what you want; I'm not a mind-reader.

I apologize! My phone was stolen by evil supervillains. This will never happen again.

mingcreative/E+/Getty Images

Can I ask u something? 🥓🍗

Sure! I hope it's not another meat-related text tho.

No, I do not want to replace your dog bed with a pile of bones and bacon!
No, you cannot eat bones and bacon every day!

Let me guess ... you want a bone 'n' bacon sandwich? I'm on it.

PeopleImages/E+/Getty Images

Sure, yesss, me and that trainer should definitely meet up soon. Can u set it up & text me the deets later?

No. I'm not your secretary.

Are you ... blowing me off?
Aaaa! I know this means you have no intention of going back to obedience school and I'm STEAMED.

OFC. I'll send you a G-Cal invite.

AleksandarNakic/E+/Getty Images

So what's up with ur friend with the truck? His name's Jon, right? Not to be weird but does he have a dog currently?

This is giving me jealous feels ...

You can't creep on Jon until I am done creeping on Jon! 😉
Are you trying to hook up with Jon behind my back??

Look, I'll marry Jon if I have to. Just don't leave me!!!

Image by Ian Carroll (aka "icypics")/Moment/Getty Images

I know u hate it when I beg for scraps at the table but what if we just tried it for 15 min? Maybe u will change your mind? 👅

This seems like a trap ...

Is this your idea of deception? 🤣
Nice try, bud. 😉

It's scrap time! 💃

SolStock/E+/Getty Images

So are u, like, married to this leash thing?

No, but my mom would kill me if I walked you off-leash.

Yes. Rules are rules.
Sorry, but it's my way or the highway, my dude.

In a perfect world, there would be no leashes.

gradyreese/E+/Getty Images

Let's stay in tonight. And every night. U in? 🥰

Puppy. I cannot retire for you!

Not to be harsh, that's not happening.
I love you, but I've chosen "occasionally going outside."

BET. 🎉 "Outside" is overrated.

Capuski/E+/Getty Images

Bork, bork. Wanna watch "Air Bud" later? 🐕🏀🙌

Hmm, I'd love to, but my friends are coming over! 😪

Uh, how about I put it on in the background while I finish my homework?
Sorry, pup, I got a date.

On the one hand, I hate that movie. On the other hand, I don't want to get up off the couch. Decisions!

Linda Raymond/Moment/Getty Images

I know u just left for work but how ARE u? Wut up? When are u coming back???

I'll be home by 3 p.m. We can hang then, okay?

Puppy, you're being too thirsty!
Uh, well. I have work, then dinner with Mark, then drinks ...

AS SOON AS I CAN, BB!

Holly Hildreth/Moment Open/Getty Images

Saved u half a leftover pig's ear. U up?

HECK YES. Although you can keep that pig's ear half.

Uh ... what did you do with the other half of the pig ear?
Weak, puppy. You're going to have to up your game.

New phone. Who dis?

5 Minute Quiz 5 Min

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